1. You use a fork and knife to eat pizza at Pizza Hut.
Using your hands to eat is for daal bhaat, not this level of fine dining.
2. You head to the Westin post dawat for ice cream and judging other people’s outfits.
Movenpick is not good enough any more.
3. You go out in your new things during Eid and get annoyed with garments workers because their protest for wages is causing traffic on the way to Gloria Jeans.
4. You make one time outfit purchases for each Bangla holiday, abandoning them once the photos of you outdoors are up on instagram.
5. You get into heated arguments about the correct rickshaw fare because 30 Taka from Agora to Banani is an outrage, especially when you’re going to spend thousands at the restaurant you’re heading to.
6. You have an annual urge for panta bhaat on Pahela Baisakh but have no idea what real panta bhaat is. HINT: You can’t dunk cooked rice in water and call that panta bhaat.
7. You go to fast food restaurants dressed in your best Pakistani lawn.
8. If any American chain opens in Dhaka, you automatically assume it’s good. ‘OMG Taco Bell? Now that’s real Mexican food.’
9. You marked yourself safe during the Nepal earthquake, even though you were Dhaka. (Feeling a tremor DOES NOT MEAN you survived a natural disaster.)
THIS is what the safety check should have looked like for people in Dhaka.
10. Every now and then you go out for phuchka and rastaar cha to show that you’re street and not totally living in a bubble of privilege.
11. The idea of not doing wedding shopping in India is unthinkable.
12. Ekushey Boi Mela is the only time you’ll ever consider buying books and telling everyone that you read all of Himu’s adventures.
13. You never watch cricket, but when Bangladesh has a lucky streak, suddenly you’re all about that green and red jersey and face paint.
14. You post questions in Desperately Seeking Dhaka that you could have googled.
Believe me, all the local banks and telcos have calendars waiting for you.
15. You consider your iPhone to be better because your cousin brought it for you from the US, while your peasant friends bought theirs at Basundhara City.
16. You complain about the lack of cleanliness at the cinema but leave your trash everywhere at the end of the movie.
17. Your hair is crispy from multiple rebonding sessions at the parlour.
18. You have a weird bragging competition going on with your friends on who has suffered the most at the hands of your dorji, and yet keep going back to the same dorji over and over.